Thursday, 18 August 2005

永不妥协

你应该为你的人生而彩绘,你可以看到周遭的人都很成功,旁边的人都好像很精彩,我也不敢转身,不敢有太大的动作。我都已经被那种恼人的命运给气麻了,条气不顺。到底,我还是不甘愿,不怎样服气。你要我服气那是不容易的。为什么要容易呢?你不让我好过,我怎样会甘愿?





我常常幻想,我好比是一个路人,一个类似漂泊的人。你可以看到那个城市的路标拼命地更换,来到十字路口,你不知道该往哪里走,哪里去。我们这个时候,是不是应该好好思考,整理出一个头绪来?我也很想,但是就是找不到。有人说,你想到了方法,不应该记得,应该执行。太好了,我就是那种不执行的人。





我就是身处在一条长河,激流狂奔,川流不息,我没听到什么声音,但是,全部东西以非常快的速度流逝,我没捉着什么,很静地,看着速度变成流线。没有人可以帮到你,机会是别人给的,成功是靠你自己。我累了,我真的是累了,我不想争辩到底机会是谁给的,成功又应该靠谁。我看到的变数太多,所以就索性不顾这么多,他们就将一些词汇放诸在你的这种行为上,任性、顽固、愚昧、肤浅、短见、无谋、放肆、无礼。。。 。。。 哈!哈!我认为好笑。(调侃)





躺在床上吧!你有没有试过躺在床上,然后让眼泪流,滑向你眼角两侧?那是傻瓜的做法,千万不要试!





朋友问我为什么你要想念马来西亚的食物,他说他根本没有想过。很明显,我和他完全是两个世界的人。想和不想,是我的事。我不用给谁理由。





我应该沉得住气吗?小不忍则乱大谋?天,放过我吧!





伦敦是一个繁忙的城市,人种很多。那些肤色,这些肤色。经济造就了我们这群人的交汇,有人遇到了好事,好人好梦;有人遇到了坏事,倒霉到底。语言可以是一种阻碍,我没有必要关心你,但是就要防备你。你不要以为这个世界很好,骗子很多,怀了鬼胎。你不要以为友善的信号就是微笑,你不要以为受伤的人因该受到怜悯。人穷志短,我相信这一点。他的工具比你的怜悯多,他一样一样拿出来,一点点假假的诚恳,他在我眼里看起来不像是骗子啊!那你完了。





没有人会做你的第一个朋友,但是你会做他那一天的第一个鱼饵。你若不在一个适当的场合认识一个人,那他永远没有那个条件做你的朋友。我们的认识,只不过笑笑就好,能忘就忘的那一种。下次见到,我也最好装作看不见,很不该地见到了,挥一挥手,下次再见。





请勿轻信谣言,即使不是谣言,而是有根有据,当着你面,说了的话,那是粪屎,你也不应该相信,尤其是当着你面拿出证据的人,更不应该相信。坚持你的信念,信任不是第一个时间产生,因为他要向你开刀,就必须要速成,那么,就拿出他的第一件工具来吧!





我应该怎样应付呢?很简单,落栅!放狗!你的丫环就会走过来,轻轻弯个腰,细细的说: “少爷,你可以回房休息了。” 甭管外头狂风暴雨,天花乱坠,你应该勇敢说不,不需要呼喊,不需要大声,需要你的斩钉截铁,从头不到尾就行了。把门闩上,他的花招把戏,任它耍,如果你的时间是宝贵的,最好不要说再见,然后头也不回地走掉。如果你闲来无事,秉持信念什么也不会给他,那么你还可以对号入座,和他慢慢磨吧!记得,他要的是你的钱!





事情发生的第一次,他把你骗了,那么他是傻瓜,应为他把你练精了。但是,如果事情发生了第二次,那么你是傻瓜,应为你把他练精了。





我很佩服我的一些朋友,目前为止,能将畜牲整治,就是以其人之道,还治其人之身。如果可以放大好几倍他的惨状那是最好不过了,我不是来贩卖我的天真,我要告诉他你选错了人,毒蛇,壁虎,蝎子,蜈蚣,蟾蜍,你任选一样吧!

Monday, 15 August 2005

你们好吗?我亲爱的马来西亚。

我回来了,也可以说是回去了。我回到了利物浦,火车比想象中的更快到达目的地。今天是 2005 年 8 月 15 号,在这个日期之前,我遇到了很多坏人,那是真的很多,我打电话回家,都是报喜不报忧,因为,爸妈不能想象,他们的孩子在外头,到底是遇到了几个坏人,几个好人。如果我说我遇到了坏人,我知道他们会很担心,我会受到怎样的委屈,那些风雨。





其实我很累,这种奔波,要持续多久?我很想回去丁加奴的海滩,好好享受那束阳光,那阵凉风,迎面吹来时,我是舒适的。无论怎样,对于现实,那纯属想象,我回到了这发光的电脑荧幕前,用我的手指,打下我的感觉,写我的所谓心历路程。





未来充满了变数,而变数太多,错综交叠,相互衍生,连绵不息。也因为这样,我真的感觉到好刺激,我的刺激不含褒义,因为你根本不知道下一秒将会发生怎样的事,每个人抱着不同的心境,走不同的路线,学不同的手法,看不同的环境,那么,这么说,就是没有答案,没有绝对,没有对错。但是,偏偏它就有一样东西,叫做后悔,或是懊恼,或是遗憾,或是伤心,或是绝望,或是茫然,或是心灰。





心情,变成了一种你可以形容的任何事物。说是一面湖,怎样的欢喜起怎样的涟漪,沉寂的时候静得怕人,无声的时候,我祈求有些变化,会是好的,会是坏的?没有人知道。他们,就会开始说,百升,你去做吧!做你想做的事,做你想做的决定,但是,你要好好想一想你当初来到此地的目的,你要的是什么,选你所爱,爱你所选。最重要不要后悔,忠于你的选择。





那么,让我老实告诉你,到目前为止,我还是死撑的。





问我,我到底要的是什么,倒不如问我,我不要的是什么?我不要后悔,或是懊恼,或是遗憾,或是伤心,或是绝望,或是茫然,或是心灰。这样行吗?





图书馆快打烊了,我明天再写吧!祝你好运,也祝我好运。子键说:一定会的!

Thursday, 28 July 2005

感谢老天!

今天,请你凝神屏息,严阵以待,因为,我终于脱离苦海了!世界万千,我黄百升,把心一横,把锅铲高举,将那个无良毒辣、狠心绝意、双手沾血、吃人吞骨的老板娘,炒她鱿鱼了!  哈 ! 哈~ !我疯了!我疯了!!!





啊!~ ~ 啊!~ ~ 你们听到了没有?听到了没有?我那凄厉的叫声?每当深夜降临,夜幕低垂也好,万家灯火也好,虫鸣鸟叫也好,我的双手开始不自由主的颤抖,什么惊弓之鸟,什么心有余悸,什么毛骨悚然,统统都可以在同一个时间一起涌上。对于这份惨绝人寰的工作,掏人心肺,你可以想象,我双膝跪地,双手高举,拿的是我的五脏六腑,鲜血淋漓。如果你还可以想象,我是从一个炼狱里走来,背后拉长了没有灵魂的黑影,双脚不着地的飘离。





如果我的四肢不能动弹,请将我从万丈深谷抛下,让我无止境的往下坠,因为我已学不会了挣扎; 如果我双目失明,把我荒置于断崖峭壁,让万虫啄噬,因为我看不到了逃跑的方向; 如果我声消音灭,让我在汪洋中漂流,给鱼只果腹,因为我没有了呼救的能力。如果我失去知觉,让我在荒漠中暴晒风干,因为我丧失了闪避的反应。





但是,就因为我还可以挣扎、逃跑、呼救和闪避,所以我才要非将这份工辞退不可!





(如果你不靠这么文雅的形容词想象,那么请你到我的跟前来,我现现实实地用世俗粗话说给你听!鸡败!)





ok, 无论怎样,我还是出来了,我真的是不能想象我是怎样做这份工的!你不是我,你真得不能体会到,我不要讲它是辛酸,但是,隐隐约约,不是你从外头看进来的风光简单。

Thursday, 7 July 2005

i've updated my photo album in friendster.

Check it, m8s. after thousands times struggles in my heart, i decided to quit the job today, i want to tell her this is another massive and ever great disaster after the bomb blasting in Central London.





p/s: for those who email me about my situation here in London, thank you guys. i appreciate it very much.





p/s 2: pls go to check the latest photo, this is the easiest way for me to up load those hard memories.

Saturday, 2 July 2005

i'm so tired. honestly.

when i write a blog, there's an intension in telling my friends about my life here, although there are a lots of complaints and unsatisfied matters. sometimes, the story is sad and upsetting. but, i like it this way to express myself and let somebody who's cares about me know what am i doing at the moment. i always look at the sky above, you can see the cloud moving, sometimes dark sometimes bright. and i was hoping, hoping something different will change and bring goodness. i'm so afraid of worsen consequence will turn up and makes me feel horrible.





i don't know how to imagine, as me and myself, live in this kind of life, like a prisoner who give up his freedom and soul and everything to pay to the devils. people say: this is life. Oh... whatsoever. i'm about to move on, should get something done and stand tough in any other way.





i chat with a guy today, he is from Colorado. he said, England is 15 yrs backwards compare to the states. and i agree with him, he showed me few statistical figures saying that England just a shit in some perspectives like economics and the educations systems. and some more in their chaotic political world. and when i just live in a city like London and last year in Liverpool. after i watched their tv programs. i am so agree that England is just a shit.





p/s: i got your comment, kai san. looking forward to meet you in London.

Wednesday, 29 June 2005

i'm from hell

sometimes, you just can't play with your mood, sometimes you just too busy to care about your mood. i don't even feel myself when i just so unconciously doing the things that i hate. this is true, no one can deny or defeat it. and i, right now, started with a very bad unlucky day, when i was just about to leave the hell's door, the sky opened up and poured some fucking rain on my fucking shoes. i hate it, i really hate it. i tried to reach this lousy cyber cafe, once i just stepped in side and met those bitches waitress, the rain just stopped! clean and fucking clear i can see from inside through the big glass windows. Oh God, fire burn inside of my heart and i can feel the heat just burning every inches of my skin! i wish it just Boom! Fuck!





About the fucking bitch employer again, Oh...i've got nothing to say about her anymore. she just giving me headache and tiring me. last week i don't know what's wrong with her, she don't pay my salary on time, deliberately delayed a week after the supposing date. hell yeah! i know what she is doing, tried to make me suffer and fasten my belt. Oh no! no way! i won't give her a chance. haha! i started to remind her, let her know is the time to pay me otherwise i will just keep on drive her nuts! this is mad.





tell you what, English's weather is so crazy! they definately can get four type of stupid seasons in a day. can be spring, summer, fall and winter just keep on  switching time to time. silly, isn't it? i'm really sick of it. what a weird!





i play quite an importand role in the take away shop right now, they can't easily sack me off, because i know every single thing in their shop, i manage to work it out without the existence of the bitch employer. So, eventually, she started to gone mad and skying all the time she can. Oh no, she just put herself in a very unsafe situation. she depends on me too much, she ain't care about her business, she just make fun of it, one day for sure her business will definately shut by her ownself.

Friday, 10 June 2005

i always thinking about to leave the job

How are you all? i'm Bai Sheng, Her.... i still live in Perivale, London. Dsc00026 This is the the accommodation provided by the fucking employer, my employer is a ladyDsc03966 , she is about 30ties, married, and have husband in China. However, i'm so busybody and heard that she got kids but don't have the close relationship with her husband nowadays. So, she decided to have an affair with a chinese guy hereDsc03926 . they are both applied to be a refugee and seeking protection from the UK gov. But, i really have no idea how they get all the process done.





this bitch, is really a bitch. i hate her alot. scolded me coz i can't really help her in the fucking kitchenDsc00016 , and i'm just the role of fucking counter boy Dsc00009 infront of her fucking door to take the orders from door coming customer and receiving telephone orders. she tenant out her upstaires rooms to some other fucking chinese from the fucking China using their own stupid local language which only ghost can understand, eventually, i was alienated.





To be continued..... (i'm off to the fucking job right now, can't write anymore longer, sorry to all my friends in the usage of vulgar language, but i think it is appropriate to use it that way).